In the land of ice and snow
by Evil Ratchet
Summary: Ironhide and Ratchet are stationed in some backyard land with the twins and Bumblebee to monitor possible Decepticon activity. Ironhide has prepared a surprise for the grumpy medic. IronhideXRatchet fluff and crack.


A/N: This thing has been sitting on my computer for almost a month now. It was supposed to be out much sooner, but my beta reader has some difficulties IRL and somebody else was supposed to beta it, but the person decided to chicken out in the last minute. So this is very much unbetad, written in high fever by non-native English speaker and full of crack. The inspiration came from a one page comic I did which for those interested can be found from my DA account; check out my profile for the exact address. I'm Sunbeamattack on DA.

This fits into continuation with my previous fic Origins, but it stands easily on its own as well. Enjoy the crack.

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Ratchet sighed while staring out of window. They had been sent to a mission to some backyard land called Finland. It wouldn't have mattered to him unless it hadn't been so damn cold all the time and if everywhere he looked had not been filled with endless forests and fields. Teletraan-1 had supposedly detected Decepticon activity in the damned land. Ratchet, Ironhide, Bumblebee and the twins had been sent for the mission. Ratchet couldn't understand how that was a good idea at all, because the twins blended among the natives as well as a pink unicorn among sheep and let's not even talk about how they would run the medic to the walls.

They had been stationed to central parts of the land in the middle of nowhere. It took almost an hour to reach the closest city, well if you could even call it a city. At least it kept the twins out of trouble, well most of the time anyway. Only thing Ratchet found interesting with the place was the technological advancement the people possessed; it wasn't even near the Cybertronian level, but it was rather advanced for human race. Also he enjoyed how quiet the local humans were. The grumpy medic didn't like answering stupid questions humans often asked.

Ratchet found hard time adjusting to the environment in there. It was so hard to drive in the slippery roads and he considered himself too old to enjoy extreme sports like that. On the other hand everybody else especially the twins enjoyed drifting around in the snow, well at least until they had seen humans doing the same and even better with their lousy cars. The humans drove in this country as well as Transformers and in the snow and ice they were often better. No wonder they were so good at rally racing, if they could beat living car, beating an average driver wouldn't be difficult. The place was just so fucked up to say the least.

During their stay there had been no signs of Decepticon activity at all. Ratchet was growing frustrated while thinking about his dear medbay in the ark. Wheeljack and First Aid were taking care of handling the injured. Ratchet was sure that when he finally was able to go back Wheeljack had at least blown himself apart and probably destroyed CMO's medbay as well. The thought made him cringe inside. Ratchet clenched his fists. If the damned happy go lucky engineer had done that to either himself or to his medbay, Ratchet was going to throw a tantrum.

Ratchet's temper was rising when he was thinking about all that stuff. He didn't like the situation at all and to make everything perfect it was so damn cold! _'Stupid climate. Couldn't the Decpeticons come up with some other place to show up in our radars?! And why I have to be stationed here?! I could be doing something much more productive back at the Ark'_

He cursed the clear blue sky and the pale winter sun quietly and shook his fist while doing so. But just when Ratchet was about to start voicing his opinions louder the door to the industry hall slid open with loud screech. The medic made a mental note to add some oil to the rails that were holding the doors before his audio sensors would be ruined forever. Very snowy Ironhide stepped in with even more snowier twins.

"Stop right there! Don't you dare to bring that substance inside!" Ratchet roared at the poor mechs. Sunstreaker and Sideswipe just grinned at each other when they heard the white mech start ranting at them. The twins were about to march right into the hall testing Ratchet's patience when Ironhide grabbed both of them by shoulder and dragged them back outside. The medic was grateful for his partner for that.

Ironhide knew better than aggravate Ratchet uselessly. The medic had been even more grumpier than usual after they had discover what kind of place this Finland was. Actually Ironhide didn't mind the place at all. He had had fun with the younger mechs with the snow and had found some fun activities during his patrols. Well he couldn't exactly blame Ratchet for being annoyed because the little village they resided ambulance passing in the road was sure sign of village gathering. People would take out their cars, horses, bicycles, feet or whatever they could think of and start following the ambulance to see what was going on. Once a very angry Ratchet had returned to their temporary base with 15 different kind of vehicles trailing him. Ironhide thought it was funny, but didn't dare to voice his opinions; he still wanted to keep his aft intact, thanks.

Sideswipe protested the treatment Ironhide was giving him with a brush, but Sunstreaker was more than glad when the snow was brushed off of him. The golden twin was worried for his paintjob, but his brother would have wanted to remain snowy. Snow was probably the coolest thing for a while for the twins and various pranks that involved the white substance had followed after they had grown used to it. Ratchet was of course the main target of their pranking, but both Ironhide and Bumblebee had their share of the twin terrors humor.

Finally when they were considerably less snowy they re-entered the hall. Bumblebee appeared from other side of the hall where he had been on monitor duty. The yellow minibot managed to be in high spirits despite of the glooming medic.

"How was the patrol?" Bumblebee asked cheerfully.

"Nothing to report. Except that it's exceptionally warm day," Ironhide answered. Ratchet snorted from beside the window. Others turned to look at the medic not sure what to expect.

"Are you seriously calling this warm Ironhide?!" Ratchet retorted. He shivered even from the idea of stepping outside.

"Awww. Come on Ratch'. Even the humans are walking around coats hanging open," Ironhide tried to defend knowing very well that if the white mech decided to be difficult there would be no end to sarcastic comments.

"Just shows how crazy the people are in here." Ratchet was rolling his optics. Then Ironhide grabbed his arm and started dragging the medic outside. The twins were laughing hysterically for some reason while they watched the situation.

"What are you laughing, you glitches?!" Ratchet yelled at the two Lamborghinis. The medic managed to find a wrench from somewhere which hit the target precisely leaving one angry Sunstreaker cursing for his paintjob. Ratchet grinned smugly for his excellent marksmanship for a while after he realised that Ironhide had managed to drag him outside.

"'Hide what the frag are you doing?" Ratchet demanded angrily while the red mech was closing the doors to the hall. It wasn't as cold outside as Ratchet had thought. Maybe his sensors were starting to adapt to the coldness, but it didn't make Ratchet any less furious.

"I'm closing the doors, so the cold won't go inside," Ironhide answered knowing that it wasn't what Ratchet wanted to know.

"No. I mean why you dragged me outside?" Ratchet demanded frustrated.

"Well there's something I want to show you. We haven't spent time together in ages, so I thought now would be a good time, because I'm surprised if something really would happen with the 'Cons." Ironhide transformed to his alt form and now confused Ratchet followed. They sped to the snowy road and headed deep to the woods.

Ratchet knew that they had not spent quality time together for ages. There were good reasons for that. It certainly wouldn't have been a good idea to reveal their relationship to anyone during the war or else the Decepticons would make them targets instantly. Only a handfull of Autobots knew that they were a bonded couple including Optimus Prime; the mech had guessed it soon after he became a Prime. The Autobot leader must have possessed some sort of psychic abilities, because the couple made great efforts to hide their relationship.

Ironhide lead the way and Ratchet followed. They drove carefully because Ratchet wasn't still very good at driving on the snow and ice. Luckily there wasn't much traffic save for occasional cars and tractors so they wouldn't cause a traffic jam even if they tried. There also wasn't many houses where they headed, so they would be saved from the curious humans following the ambulance. Ratchet was a bit relieved to notice there wasn't anyone following him making his mood a bit lighter.

They turned right and entered even smaller road which was full of curves and was barely wide enough for two cars. A green heavy goods vehicle appeared behind Ratchet driving about three times faster than the two Autobots. A woman was driving it and was obviously frustrated by the two slowly moving vans. The woman was shaking her fist and using the horn. Ratchet's temper flared alive and he was about to transform and give the truck good knock on the rear end. Ironhide could feel his mate's intentions and commed Ratchet to act reasonable.

"Why do I have to be reasonable if she obviously is not!?" Ratchet screamed to the commlink. Ironhide pulled to the side where the road was a bit wider while Ratchet did the same. The green truck drove past them fast making the snow fly all over the two Autobots. Ratchet colourfully cursed the truck driver. Ironhide sighed, but started to move again. Though even the red warrior had to admit that it was a bit to crazy to make a truck drift around like the green truck was now doing after they had moved from its way. The truck dissappeared quickly leaving them alone again.

Ratchet observed that there was a sign in the right side of the road that noted them of the place they had arrived. The sign translated as "Fishing Rod Hill". What was is supposed to mean? That there are fishing rods laying around the place or what? Ratchet couldn't figure out why the humans in this land were so amazingly illogical and thanked Primus that Prowl had not been assigned to lead this mission or Ratchet would have been sorting out the tactisian's frozen up processor in every minute. He could feel Ironhide's amusement for Ratchet's thoughts and some part of the red mech's spirits attached itself to Ratchet.

They took yet another turn and this time Ratchet chose to ignore the road sign: "Moose Lake Road". The road narrowed so small that only one car fit to drive in there. If anyone came from the opposite direction they would have to find another crossroad or something to pass safely. Ratchet was cursing every now and then, because of all the curves on the road. Ironhide was just amused by his mate's reactions and earned audiofull of curses everytime he dared to laugh out aloud.

Then Ironhide pointed at their right side where a lone house stood. In the yard was a blue van and a smaller van right next to it. It looked as if the bigger van was protecting it's child. Even Ratchet had to admit that it was rather cute sight even though the vans were obviously just normal vehicles. Ironhide and Ratchet didn't have sparklings of their own because before the war they were both busy making a career. The war made everything so complicated, but maybe they could adopt a sparkling after everything would be over. There were many times when both of them wanted to just to be a normal family like they had been before the war. In a way they were glad that they didn't have kids so they didn't need to be worried to sick about them during the battles.

Ironhide pointed out that they had the whole Autobot army full of sparklings. Ratchet uttered a laugh. Ironhide had a point. They were one of the oldest bots among the Autobots and many of the bots had actually entered the army during their youngling years. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker were still rather young and even though they constantly were getting on the medics nerves he actually cared for them a lot.

Suddenly Ironhide stopped. Ratchet nearly bumped into the red van but managed to stop just inches away from Ironhide's bumper. The medic was about to curse his mate for being careless when Ironhide transformed and told him this was it. Ratchet transformed reluctantly. Being in his alt form was much more energy conserving and warmer too.

Ratchet looked around himself but couldn't see anything special with the place. There was a lake in their right side and on the left side was a steep hill covered with trees. Just more snow, forests and lakes, so what could have been so important that Ironhide had to drag him there?

"'Hide, why are we here?" Ratchet asked sarcastically. For some reason Ironhide was wearing an extremely smug expression which made Ratchet uneasy. He was now sure that his mate had planned some horrible surprise for him and he was probably not going to like it.

"Come on. I'll show you." Ironhide signed with his hands to follow and left the road. _'Okayyyy... That didn't tell me much,' _Ratchet thought but decided not to voice his opinions. He knew from experience that if Ironhide wanted to keep something secret he would succeed in it anyway.

They walked through the snow to the lake. Surprisingly enough there wasn't any snow on the ice. It looked like somebody had deliberately cleaned the surface of the lake from all the snow making the ice shine like polished plating. In its all glory the ice was very slippery giving Ratchet hard time to stay up.

It wasn't until they reached a rock sticking up from the ice and Ironhide sitting on the rock that Ratchet became really worried about the situation. Ironhide took something out of his subspace that looked like two pairs of blades of some sort. Surprisingly enough Ironhide attached the blades to his feet and then put the other two to Ratchet's feet before the medic had time to protest.

"Ironhide, what are you doing?!" Ratchet demanded hysterically while his mate was attaching the blades to his feet. The red mech was wearing a smug grin.

"Watch," Ironhide said and slid off with his Transformer sized skates. Ironhide had been practising with the twins earlier that day. They had seen humans skating in TV and in various skating rinks around the country. There really seemed to be at least one skating rink in every village where the people gathered to play ice hockey, figure skate or just to have fun on the skates.

They had figured that there wouldn't be skating rink big enough for them and that's why they had cleaned of the snow from this lake. They had heard that it wasn't uncommon for humans either to skate on natural ice either, so it was perfect for them. It also allowed them to practise secretly without drawing too much attention to themselves.

The twins had of course quickly gotten a hold of skating. Especially Sideswipe seemed to be natural at it. Now the red twin wanted to have wheels on his feet so he could skate around even without the skates. Sunstreaker had pointed out how lame that would be, but Sideswipe was determined and the argument had turned out into a fight.

Ironhide circled around the rock where Ratchet was still sitting. The medic was looking at his mate with mixed horror and amazement. Ironhide halted and signed Ratchet to join him.

"No way, I'm going to fool around like that. I'm way too old for this Ironhide and so are you!" Ratchet's control on his temper was starting to shatter again. Ironhide decided it was time for more straightforward action. The red mech skated where Ratchet was sitting with couple of quick strides. Ironhide grabbed carefully one of Ratchet's hands and pulled his mate up. Ratchet tried his hardest to resist, but his attempts were futile. The medic was quickly on the skates leaning wobbly on Ironhide.

Ironhide pulled Ratchet away from the rock's presence. Ratchet had started praying to Primus which just made Ironhide let out amused laughs. The red mech could feel his mate squeezing him desperately for balance. Now he had Ratchet on the skates, next he just needed to have the medic actually learn to skate which might be a bit more harder.

"Ready to let go of me?" Ironhide asked gently. The warrior received death glares from the medic. Ironhide expected something like that and let go anyway.

"Look how I do it and just repeat it." Ironhide skated off slowly leaving Ratchet attempting to grab air for support.

"Frag you Ironhide! I can't do this. I'm way too old to learn something stupid as this," Ratchet cursed at Ironhide.

"Are you saying I'm better learner than you?" Ironhide challenged. That was it. Ratchet snapped totally and started moving his legs the same way Ironhide had done before just to show his mate that who was the boss here. Surprisingly enough Ratchet darted fast to the direction Ironhide was giving the red mech just a little time to dodge the furious medic. Just when Ratchet had realised that it wasn't as difficult or as ridiculous as he had thought he understood he didn't know how to turn.

The medic crashed right into a pile of snow and fell on his aft. Ironhide knelt down holding his mid section. He tried to hold the laughter while watching the baffled Ratchet but eventually he just couldn't and bursted into a full laughter. His mate's expression just was priceless.

"Ironhide! This isn't funny!" Ratchet roared while shaking his fist to Ironhide's direction and realising after a nanosecond that in fact it was rather funny. He shut his vocal processor up and concentrated on getting up so he could try again. Standing up showed up to be more trickier than what he had thought. After several unsuccesful tries Ironhide had gotten over his laughing fit and offered a helping hand which Ratchet refused. The medic's pride didn't let him accept any help.

Somehow the gravity just seemed to pull his aft back to the ice again and again. After Ratchet had struggled for a good while he somehow managed to stand up again. The medic showed a smug smirk to his mate who just laughed in return. Ratchet smirking smugly was always a good sign for Ironhide though not neccessarily for other bots.

"Now tell me what I have to do to turn with these things?"

"Just watch Ratch'." Ironhide found it easier to show what Ratchet was supposed to do than verbally explain. Besides the warrior knew that his mate was very quick to catch things despite all of his protests. Ironhide slowly circled around Ratchet while Ratchet observed. After observing for a while Ratchet took off again. This time the medic took it much more calmly and when he was starting to get close to the snow piles he steadily imitated Ironhide's manouvers.

Huge grin spread on Ratchet's face plates which was so out of place that if the twins had been there they would have probably been scared for the rest of their lives. Ironhide skated next to his mate. The warrior could feel clearly the excitement his mate was feeling. It had been a long time since he had last time seen Ratchet smiling. Ironhide loved it when Ratchet smiled but of course being in the middle of a war and being a medic weren't exactly most delightful things. Like he was one to speak. Ironhide had not been in a very good mood himself lately either. They were the ark's resident grumpy old mechs. Ironhide suddenly realised that actually they were quite old already; the time just had passed so quickly.

"I'm not that old yet," Ratchet joked and to prove his point he darted off. Ironhide followed behind quickly determined to catch his mate. Ratchet enjoyed the speed he could acquire with the skates. He could go much more faster than he could normally go in his robot mode. Actually this skating wasn't half bad at all. He chuckled to himself but his joy was short lived when a pile of snow was again a bit too close to his comfort. Ratchet quickly calculated that he wouldn't be able to turn anymore.

"'Hide! How do I stop!?" Ratchet asked in slight panic.

"Umh, just. Ah slag!" It was all Ironhide managed to say before Ratchet crashed to the snow piles again and fell to his aft. The warrior skated beside the medic and stopped.

"So that's how you stop," Ratchet said sarcastically already trying to stand up but this time allowing Ironhide to help him in the process.

"Yeah basically. Unless you want to stop by falling on your aft everytime which works as well," Ironhide retorted. Ironhide knew that the medic was in such a good mood at the moment that he could make comments like that without having to worry about flying wrenches.

They skated off in silence. They didn't need any words to share they joy of spending time together even if the said time was something more fitting for a younglings like Sideswipe and Sunstreaker. Their bond was feeling stronger than in ages because of all the happy emotions flying across it. Ratchet was smiling like he had done last time before the war. Nobody else but Ironhide knew this side of Ratchet. All the others just saw the medic as grumpy and hateful bot who didn't have life outside the medbay.

They circled each other, fastened their pace and slowed it forming almost a dance like patterns. They were sometimes very close to each other almost touching and then again distanced. An immense trust could be detected from the patterns, both of them knew how the other one was going to react. Finally they decided that they had had enough of the weird movements and stopped in the middle of the lake. Ironhide grabbed Ratchet to an embrace which Ratchet answered eagerly. They buried their faces to each other's shoulders and just stood there holding each other.

It had been so long time since they had last time had even an ounce of intimacy. They knew they couldn't afford to act like a normal bonded couple but it still wasn't easy. They were seeing their loved ones every day of their lives and they could feel every emotion their mate felt, but still be denied to touch them. Ratchet cursed the war in his mind and cursed the Decepticons and cursed pretty much everything else as well.

"Ratch', I'll promise you that after all of this is over we'll move somewhere quiet and live like normal bots."

It was starting to darken. Another thing about the land Ratchet hated. The sun came out for about couple of hourse and was gone as quickly as it had risen. It was never light there. Ratchet cursed the land half heartedly while they were starting to leave the lake.

"Awww Ratch'. It's not that bad really, isn't it?" Ironhide winked. Ratchet knew what Ironhide meant. It was thanks to this Primus forgotten land that they were able to share even a little bit of time with each other.

"I think Finland is starting to grow on me," Ratchet answered and took a glance at the stars that were starting to show up.

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TBC?


End file.
